Medications - A Maintenance Dosage

Mental Health Medications are Just a Part of My Reality to Live Healthy

Photo by Altin Ferreira on Unsplash

It’s funny how time passes and memories fade.

When did we reduce my medications?

Memories fade. It was fully four years after the fact when I attempted to recall at what point my clinician and I reduced my medications. Four years… and one stint in the hospital and one stint in county jail.

By way of disclosure, I have been a diagnosed schizophrenic since the late 2000s. It is now diagnosed as schizoaffective disorder.

I honestly could not put my finger on the date that it had happened.

I remembered why we did it. I remembered being excited about it. I remember the basics of where I was at mentally, physically, and socially when it happened. I was however unable to put my finger on the date.

Long story short, I had my clinic records on hand for another task and was able to track the exact date that my medications were reduced.

I’m making a lot of hay over the memory thing. One of my points today is that it is a good idea to keep a medical journal. A medical journal is a place where you can record what you and your doctor are doing to manage your health.

I know they keep records in the clinic, but I think it’s a good idea for you to have it for yourself.

Returning to the topic of reducing my medications to a “maintenance dose”.

I was so excited about the maintenance dose. “Maintenance dose” was the term my clinician used to describe what we were doing.

I was ecstatic. Finally, with a maintenance dose I’ll be able to wake up in the morning. I was so groggy and sleepy every morning with my medications. I was so very excited about perhaps being able to wake up in the morning.

I was also relieved; I can finally trim up. I’m not a heavy person by nature, but when you add my mental health medications, I had gained a lot of weight. I was so excited to quit fighting the weight gain aspect of my medications.

I saw a bright future for myself.

As I review the records, the reality of my maintenance dose is that the reduction began at the beginning of 2017. I was re-hospitalized in December of 2019.

I lost the ability to work in spring / summer of 2019. I recall taking off on a completely unplanned trip to California in spring of 2019. I remember crying spells in the year of 2018. I recall feeling persecuted by coworkers in the late fall of 2017. There’s other things, but I won’t continue.

I held on as long as I could, but my mind couldn’t tolerate the reduction in medication. I had an onset of symptoms.

I want to write today about hope. The majority of the writing has been about dashed hope, though.

The reality is, I can have a good life while being on a therapeutic level of my medication.

I must tamper down that human desire to be dissatisfied. I must accept and learn some acceptance that I just may be sleepy in the morning. I need to accept that I have to take extraordinary measures to maintain my weight.

There are consequences if I don’t have medication. I must remember how I felt when I was in psychosis. I must remember that I ended up in jail because of psychosis.

My life today is good. I’m collecting the baubles of a happy life and it will continue. Life can get better as I learn to navigate my life with illness, but I must remain on my meds.

I’ll also put a plug in for my memoir, “Torn Bindings” which can be found on Amazon. I would only make the small request that you leave a positive review, if you read it.