Flexible like a Sheet of Glass

Rigid thinking is an Aspect of my Mental Health

Photo by Eden Constantino on Unsplash

There is a joke in the show “Big Bang Theory”; Sheldon Cooper says, “I’m not crazy, my mom had me tested.” The character of Sheldon Cooper is one of someone who isn’t the least bit flexible. Very rigid.

I can identify with this. I suffer from severe rigid thinking too. I think it’s a part of my mental health diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder.

Welcome to my stream of consciousness about an overnight trip. As I sit today, I think the below are silly worries and the trip went fine. The night of the packing though, these were all very real and stressful concerns.

Psychology Spot describes Rigid Thinking as such:

In fact, people who are mentally rigid are those that:

– Think there is only one “right way” of doing things.

– Assume that their perspective is the only correct and that the rest is wrong.

– Are not open to change because are scared of it.

– Cling to the past and refuse to move on.

Let me explore my thinking for a small overnight trip to see my sister. Below is where my mind was the evening before my trip.

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As I pack my suitcase for the family Christmas visit. I feel a bit overwhelmed.

What if I don’t have clothes for the right temperature of my destination. Sure, I looked up the weather forecast, but what if I don’t accurately translate that to the right combination of winter clothes. I’ll be cold.

What if I exercise while staying with my sister, then I’ll have to have work out clothes. Shouldn’t they be stored in a different bag to keep from smelling up my regular clothes. I can bring my work out bag, but it’s more luggage and it’s a small trip.

Beyond the suitcase, what about the cat? I printed off a sheet of instructions for the neighbor who will look in on her, but what if the cat gets lonely. The neighbor is only looking in twice a day. What if the neighbor forgets? This weighs on me. I know she promised and she seems responsible but… you never know. More stress for my stressed out vacation planning.

The place needs to be cleaned so I can arrive at home to a clean apartment, but what order should the cleaning take place? If I do it too soon, the apartment will get messy before I leave. As everyone knows, the apartment should look like a clean hotel room when I arrive home. If I wait too long to clean, I will be super busy right before I leave.

I guess I can get a plan down on paper for the cleaning. Planning would be a reasonable suggestion, but there are a lot of variables to think about and it would be a big task (or rather, I will make it a big task).

What will I have for breakfast before I leave in the morning? Will it make a mess of my kitchen? What about all the food I have in my refrigerator? Technically, all the fresh food should be eaten in advance. I will need to plan my meals before I leave so all the fresh food gets eaten.

It’s a long drive to my sister’s. I like to have snacks of vegetables. Have I got everything cleaned and ready for the trip? I’ll probably need a cooler to hold it. A cooler is not a big deal, but it’ll have to sit on the table until I fill it. Another loose end for the morning. It’s not a big deal. A cooler on the table won’t disturb anything, except the note to the cat watcher is on the table. The table is getting crowded.

Again, what if the cat gets lonely and tears something up.

I really don’t have enough snacks for the trip, but I’ve already been to the grocery store this week. I can make another trip, but I go to the grocery store on Saturday’s. It’s not really my pattern to go on another day. I get nervous (and I don’t know why) about making a trip on a day other than Saturday. I would have to make a fresh grocery list if I go mid-week, but again that is a Saturday morning activity. It would really just be a small run to get snacks. It’s not efficient and a trip to the store turns into another activity for the morning I leave on my trip. Recall, I already have some cleaning and packing to do in the morning.

If only I could pack my suitcase tonight. I can get most of it, but what about the bathroom toiletries? They will be used in the morning. I can’t wrap up the suitcase packing tonight. Everything is chaos the night before my trip. I should have everything ready and prepared, but it’s not ready. It’s a complete mess.

As everyone knows, one should be fully packed for an early morning launch.

If I vacuum the carpet tonight, it’ll show traffic marks by the time I’m done with all my chores in the morning. It’ll have to wait till I leave.

My stress is very high tonight.