This rings so many bells for me. I’m also struck by how similar it is to the feeling Erick had in the Manic Messiah episode (this 29 Dec). The feeling of needing to flee, feeling that all evidence of you needs to be eradicated and your memory is going to be erased from the public consciousness forever to cover up the disgrace of your life and its failures. The awareness that everything is going to be destroyed, lost, buried or burned so there will be nowhere safe for you to be you in peace. The sureness that total rejection by everyone on the planet awaits you no matter what you do or how hard you try to change it. The feeling of total futility to create a happy outcome for yourself and a feeling of despair that bad things are going to happen to you, you’re just not sure when. If you keep running then maybe you can escape your fate for a while. I’ve wanted a way out so many times and have contemplated all options, but out of love and loyalty to my family I have never gone through with my endgame plan. It’s so hard to explain to people what it is like to feel like this and how much you want it to stop that you are prepared to consider drastic solutions. This new year, I am resisting the torturer’s voice by trying a new approach. I’m doing a Dry (alcohol free) January, to see if it can help me avoid some of my worst fears. I don’t drink much anyway, but I like a glass of wine or sometimes a rum or a beer, but maybe my body will do better without any alcohol in my system at all. Here goes 🤞🏻
This rings so many bells for me. I’m also struck by how similar it is to the feeling Erick had in the Manic Messiah episode (this 29 Dec). The feeling of needing to flee, feeling that all evidence of you needs to be eradicated and your memory is going to be erased from the public consciousness forever to cover up the disgrace of your life and its failures. The awareness that everything is going to be destroyed, lost, buried or burned so there will be nowhere safe for you to be you in peace. The sureness that total rejection by everyone on the planet awaits you no matter what you do or how hard you try to change it. The feeling of total futility to create a happy outcome for yourself and a feeling of despair that bad things are going to happen to you, you’re just not sure when. If you keep running then maybe you can escape your fate for a while. I’ve wanted a way out so many times and have contemplated all options, but out of love and loyalty to my family I have never gone through with my endgame plan. It’s so hard to explain to people what it is like to feel like this and how much you want it to stop that you are prepared to consider drastic solutions. This new year, I am resisting the torturer’s voice by trying a new approach. I’m doing a Dry (alcohol free) January, to see if it can help me avoid some of my worst fears. I don’t drink much anyway, but I like a glass of wine or sometimes a rum or a beer, but maybe my body will do better without any alcohol in my system at all. Here goes 🤞🏻
Good for you on the alcohol. One dry January will not kill you. Who knows you may get information about how things go without alcohol.
I’ve never done it before so I’m interested to find out if it helps 👍